MPOW #12 - Metronome Breathing

Stop. Take a deep breath. Count to 10.

This is common advice for us to control our anger. It is very well known that breathing can control how we feel and our state of mind. When our busy lives heat up, remembering to breath deeply can be the exact right defusing technique that we need to regain our cool. In this mindfulness practice of the week (MPOW) we take a break from mantras, and switch to a recent favorite of mine: metronome breathing.

Breathing is one of the most profound and direct ways we have of changing or tuning our chemical and biological state to affect our neurology. Within breath is contained life-force (energy, ki. chi, prana, etc.). The assimilation and direction of life-force can be further increased through awareness. (Breathing)

Along with being a simple technique to relax, practice mindfulness, and control our minds, this is also a chance to improve the physical health of the body through greater oxygenation. And if you're a swimmer or diver, this can help strengthen and expand your lungs to stay under water longer. Let's get started.

What you need
Locate a metronome, a ticking clock, or something else that makes a regular, countable noise, not too fast, not too slow. I even found a nifty site with metronome mp3 files for use with an mp3 player--and you can even do this during your commute.

The Mindfulness Practice of the Week: Metronome Breathing
Choose a comfortable place to meditate, start the metronome, then get in a meditative position. Begin by breathing normally, then eventually let your breath align to the steady clicks of the metronome. Once you are there and relaxing, supported by in the unwavering beats, it is time to move on to the breathing practice.

On a click, start a long, slow, deep inhalation, counting the clicks of the metronome as you inhale. How many did you get? Note that number, and on the exhalation, see how many clicks long you can breath out. Many people find that they can usually exhale for a little longer than their inhalation. For instance, if you can inhale for 6 clicks, maybe you can exhale for 8 clicks.

Get into a regular pattern of what works for you, maybe that's 6 in, 8 out, 6 in, 8 out, .... After a while, you may notice that you find this pretty easy, increase the count, perhaps by 2. 8 in, 10 out, 8 in, 10 out. Gradually expand to a level that you can sustain without laboring.

... please try this meditation for yourself before reading about my experience.
At first, I have a hard time aligning to the metronome and timing to the clicks, I overcome frustration by patiently acclimatizing to the clicking. As I do the breathing, I find that it's actually a little easier for me to inhale. My yoga, taiji, qi gong, and swimming practices have really helped me to control my breathing. With this, and my current metronome setting, I can usually inhale for 30 clicks, though controlling the exhale to 30 clicks can be challenging. I often separate difficult breaths with 1 in, 1 out breaths before returning to 30 in, 30 out patterns.

Sometimes I feel panic as my lungs are emptying and no fresh air is coming in. During the inhale, it is often so smooth and easy that I find myself switching to a slight exhale through my partly opened mouth--that's not the exercise, so I correct it--that stirs me into being more mindful.

It takes a while for me to learn to smoothly manage the exhalation to be nice and even throughout. I can do 30 if I pace myself and really squeeze. Sometimes I need to constrict the back of my throat, producing an audible hum or rasp. This helps to slow it down, and also prepares my for a common yogic breathing technique. Eventually, both inhalation and exhalations can be smoothed and balanced, and I find deep relaxation, only to then notice that my mind is wandering, and it is time to again challenge my breathing or focus on my breathing to get back to the blissful state of meditation.

On the whole, though, this tends to really transport me to serenity. It leaves be relaxed and recharged.

This is dedicated to my friend Keri, who took me to a yoga class where they taught different breathing techniques centered around a metronome. I have plenty more in store for later MPOWs.

25 Things About Me

There's a viral fad going around Facebook asking people to post 25 things about themselves, then invite 25 more people to do the same. There are several different versions of it, some inject the word "random" or "silly". My list is clearly not random; I doubt anyone's is. Though there may be ways to do something partially random, I structured mine instead. [Ok this fad has died off by now, but I wrote this article back then without posting.]

Seeking balance and organization, I broke it down into 5 buckets.
1-5 The Odd or Sensational
6-10 The Basics
11-15 The Personality
16-20 The Stories
21-25 The Activities

This has been a fun exercise. I learn a lot about my ego, by comparing my list to the typical formula.

1-5 The Odd or Sensational
Here's the part where I show how cool and unique I am, then introduce a minor flaw in a clever way.

1. I have touched my own skull. Following a high school weight lifting accident resulting from a plate sliding off the bar while close-grip curling then cracking me between the eyes. My sister rushed to the rescue with a frozen chimichanga. I had a gash large enough that the plastic surgeon allowed me to touch my own skull before sewing me up with 2 tiers of stitches.

2. I love the smell of burnt plexiglass - sweet and smoky.

3. I once bowled 6 perfect rolls in a row. The rest of the game was crap. Count how many gutters (8)! <link to image, see the top row>

4. I once completely wiped out my opponent in Go. link to image On a whole, though, I am extremely novice.

5. My superpower is profuse sweating. I still have not learned to harness this for the good of humanity. But I have harnessed it for the good of my own detoxification in Bikram yoga.

6-10 The Basic
This is the part where I talk about my loved ones and some other interesting traits in order to come off as endearing.

6. I have a slight allergy to coconut. I still eat Thai curries, but prefer them when the ratio of chili to coconut is something like 3:1. Yum.

7. I live with a classy cat. He always wears his tuxedo and lounges around cooler-than-thou on the furniture.

8. I was born on July 20, The Day of Ups and Downs.

9. Family - I was going to call this section "The Mundane" instead of The Basic, until I realized that writing about my family fits into this one, and there's nothing mundane about my family. They are spectacularly interesting people, each of them. I love my parents and younger sister Laura. We are a very close bunch.

10. I am carnivicarious. (blog post) Most of my childhood, I grew up as a meatatarian, a total carnivore. I ate pretty much only meat and bread, and I was completely opposed to vegetables. On May 1, 2008, I stopped eating meat after being inspired at a dinner party. My brain still wants meat sometimes, so I’ve coined the term “carnivicarious” to cover that. It’s the pleasure that I get through someone else’s enjoyment of meat. But the joy that I get from not eating meat is really wonderful.

11-15 The Personality
This section describes how uniquely skilled and special I am. (just like everyone else)

11. ENTJ-->ENFP - On the Myers-Briggs test, I max out Extroversion, always have. And definitely score higher on Intuiting than Sensing. Most of my life I have been ENTJ, but over the past couple years I have transitioned to ENFP.

12. Strengths - Input, Ideation, Woo, Maximizer, Strategic - according to Strengths Finder.

13. Groundhog Day is my favorite movie (blog post) . The movie is an analogy of a path to awakening, where Phil goes through many possible attempts at happiness before he finally gets it. In many ways, this is what Buddhism tells us. We will keep reincarnating and living our lives over and over again, failing to find the true purpose in many ways, until we find the true path to happiness and awakening. Phil Connors was given a very tangible opportunity to do just that.

14. My serenity
Lies in snow, cherry blossoms,
Birdsong, and haiku.

15. "I know a fine fellow named Ed,
Who lived his life trapped in his head,
Until he awoke,
Turned his ego to smoke,
And learned he has nothing to dread." - a friend left this in a comment on my blog

16-20 The Stories

16. I got thrown to the floor (twice) in a demonstration by Chen Taijiquan Grandmaster Chen Xiao Wang. I asked for it.

17. The first party that I ever DJ'ed was the day that I learned. The DJ bailed at the last minute, so I downloaded some software, and DJ'ed off of my laptop and extensive collection of MP3s. The party kicked ass! I blew out the pre-amp, when a "fan" broke into the booth and cranked the volume all the way up.

18. I went to a Japanese pop concert. My friend and I were the only foreigners there in Saitama, outside Tokyo in Sept 2008. We saw one of my favorite artists, Amuro Namie, singer of "Can You Celebrate " and many, many other hits. The crowd was feverish. I've never seen just am intense encore chant: "Na-Mi-E! Woooooooo! Na-Mi-E! Woooooooo!" This is an enormous change after the affected apathy of Seattle music crowds.

19. producers ...
I saw The Producers on Broadway for Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick's last show. It was an amazing show just on their talents and the energy alone, but something made it very special. During the courtroom scene, an accidental fart sound effect was played, and the cast couldn't hold it together, though they tried nobly. Finally, Nathan Lane broke character to collect himself. He even cracked a Martha Stewart joke, being that it was the day after her conviction.

20. Sixth grade. Peed myself. Won state math contest. Weird combination of pride and embarrassment.

21-25 The Activities

I live getting into all kinds of things, here are the 5 that sprung to mind soonest.

21. I am on day 13 (Feb. 3) of a new practice: 100 days of writing (blog post). "I bring to my practice not just repeating something over and over but the act of self-reflection: I practice and I observe. I practice again. I tweak and adjust and tear apart and build up again. I create an opportunity to know myself better. Gradually this habit seeps into the rest of my activities. The result of Practice is that over time, I have a more engaged relationship with my whole life." - Kim Ivy

22. Artist - My favorite media are black sharpies on graph paper. I create a lot of mandalas.

23. I love to dance. Swing, argentine tango, merengue, salsa. If you throw on some deep house or breakbeats, you will see another side.

24. I jam with my friend Nick. We call ourselves the Cat's Cradle Robbers.

25. I love food: eating it, cooking it, and photographing it. (only some of them are linked here)

Comfortable with What Is

A streak of blissful days and nights was interrupted a couple days ago when I didn't Start Whole. I practically kicked a couple friends out of my house to go visit someone. I was expecting something. I wasn't quite sure what that was; I'm still not; I didn't define it ahead of time. Whatever it was, it didn't happen. I want to say that I learned a lesson instead, but that's just tying it up in a neat little bow to make it feel safely understood (as I discuss in Lean Into Discomfort). Since our Stories Define Reality, we could focus on the dark cloud or the silver lining, though lately I have been seeing that both sides add interpretations that don't necessarily exist. Authoring our own silver lining into the story is a slight aggression against what already is.

I did learn a few things, though, but that's not the outcome of the experience or the purpose of it. I see that, now. It's just separate. I let something out of me. At the time, I thought that I had needed to for a while, that letting that out was the purpose. Then I thought about some recent waves of nausea that I've been feeling (during my reiki III attunement, during rolfing, and the morning after that same rolfing treatment). I thought about a writing from Susan Shumsky of the 13 different inbound and outbound activities of the body and how we're supposed to honor them, let them happen. I had a feeling that this was a purpose for the nausea... Right there, I caught myself. I was trying to find a reason for it. Then I realized that there doesn't need to be a purpose, and realizing this was a moment of turiya and a feeling like I just left the greatest spa trip.

There's this need in me--likely it is true of human nature--to search for explanations for things. I'm often not comfortable until I can explain it. For instance, when I feel something, I may make up a reason like I'm supposed to puke to feel better or that I need to let out those tears, that I've been holding onto them and really there's a purpose to them. What I realized: there is no grand purpose. It is always possible to tell ourselves a story based on things in the past and make sense of them in the present. In the end, though, we don't know a fraction of the details of everything going on, and we certainly are not armed with the information to figure out our realities. Instead, we learn what we learn, we know what we know, we think what we think, just as we go. Things just happen. Our minds confabulate the reasons or want to draw a conclusion to things to make it tidy (at least mine does). But that's the exact trap. It's the desire to control things through understanding them. The real power comes from being comfortable with things exactly as they are, without ascribing meaning to them. That's slightly different than being comfortable with uncertainty. It is just being comfortable with what is. Yes, that is uncertain. What is is uncertain. We can never know ahead of time what is. It just is. There's nothing to fight or to control. There's nothing to understand or derive meaning from. We only react, or not. And what is keeps on being what it is, without regard for us.

In parting, I will leave you with this lovely poem by an anonymous (to me) Native American, from my yin yoga teacher, Saiko:

The river flows,

the grass grows, and

the wind blows....

This post is dedicated to Nick Dallett, good friend, former colleague, and musical co-conspirator (together we are the Cat's Cradle Robbers). He thinks--among many other things--that complex pleasures are underrated. Nick has a gift for rolling with things as they are, though he'd tell you that he has worked really hard at it.

MPOW #11 - 108 Mantra Recitations

So many people told me that they enjoyed last week's introduction to mantras, so for this Mindfulness Practice of the Week (MPOW), we will focus on another aspect on mantras. Maintaining the count. In traditional Buddhist and Hindu practices, a mala or garland of prayer beads is often used to help keep count. This week I encourage you to practice without the aid of a Mala. This allows you to combine the useful mindfulness practice of counting with that of reciting mantras.

The magic number for the recitation is 108. Why 108 you ask? (Yes, everyone asks.) Destination Om has an excellent post on many answers to Why 108? from many different traditions. Among the reasons:

Swami Muktananda explains it perfectly, clearly and precise when describing the heart as the source of the infinite and our connection with the divine and God. From the heart there are 108 MAIN nadis (veins) that go from the heart to all the [extremities] and after reciting a mantra 108 times you have purified your body. In this way a meditator can see the importance in reciting mantra.

Another interesting one: "8 extra beads: In doing a practice of counting the number of repetitions of the mala, 100 are counted as completed. The remaining are said to cover errors or omissions. The 8 are also said to be an offering to God and Guru."

One interpretation that I really like is described in the Wikipedia article on Buddhist Prayer Beads. For this one, each recitation is for a particular purpose. You may choose to dedicate a mantra recitation to each of the 108 permutations in turn.

In traditional Buddhist thought, people are said to have 108 afflictions or klesas. There are six senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, and consciousness) multiplied by three reactions (positive, negative, or indifference) making 18 "feelings." Each of these feelings can be either "attached to pleasure or detached from pleasure" making 36 "passions", each of which may be manifested in the past, present, or future. All the combinations of all these things makes a total of 108....

The Mindfulness Practice of the Week
Enter your meditative position, and as you relax, allow your breath to come to a natural pace, where you're not intentionally elongating it nor tightening it. Allow it to free itself of any stresses or obligations. Choose your mantra--if you're new to mantras, I encourage you to read last week's introduction to mantras. Begin reciting, maintaining a count in your head (without help of beads or another counting system). You may practice whether it makes sense for you to count before, during, or after the mantra.

Continue the count until 108. At this point, you may choose to stop meditating, continue in a different meditation, or continue for another 108, for an indefinite period of time, or whatever works for you. I tend to find that after 108 practices of the mantra, that I am very relaxed and have managed to shut off my brain. I then just enjoy that state of meditation (or samadhi) for a while, until I naturally decide to exit. Though I know, continuing to 108 is not always easy, but don't worry about that.

You may lose count several times. It is very natural to do so. If you're feeling very dedicated, when you catch yourself losing count, start over. It is also fine to choose to continue where you think that you left off. An important part of the mindfulness practice is to contemplate why you lost track and how you decided to course correct. What does it say about where you are right now? Starting over might mean that you are very dedicated, or a purist, or a perfectionist, or a masochist, or any number of other things. Not starting over might mean that you are very practical, or on a time crunch, or lazy, or just going through the motions. Debating these things in your mind might be an imbalance of the intellect or ego trying to run the show. I have seen all of these things and more within myself.

This post is dedicated to the folks at Samadhi Yoga studio in Seattle's Capital Hill. This studio focuses on all aspects of yoga, balancing, physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual practices. This studio is where I learn new mantras, including this counting practice today.

When the Going Gets Awkward

When we're new to a path, we often find it pretty difficult to relate with family, friends, colleagues, and strangers. This is certainly true when we embark on a spiritual path.

Fortunately, we also form strong bonds of friendships as we meet people along our paths. Erica Knight has been an important friend for me discussing mindfulness, happiness, and how to have a meaningful life. These conversations often illuminate me because she challenges everything on her path, which is similar to mine, yet still uniquely hers. This constantly pushes me to rethink and re-contemplate. Much of the content on this blog comes from my discussions with Erica.

We both experiment with the mindfulness practices espoused in Buddhism, in Taoism, by Tolle, etc. and report back on how they work for us. We both comment about the awkwardness of the path, especially when they contradict societal maxims. Having lived in this society, attachment, judgment, desire, and suffering-in-the-face-of-hardship seem to be so naturally human. On the other hand, spirituality teaches us to favor non-attachment, non-judgment, renunciation, and avoidance of suffering. Is this dehumanizing or transcendent? Pondering this is a valuable mindfulness practice, especially as practicing the spiritual teachings puts us at odds with others.

Goodness knows I have gone through some pretty embarrassing moments when I first began living by new ideals, and still sometimes now and again. I have come to interpret these times as challenges to grow my practice stronger through perseverance and contemplation. I have to learn how to fit new realizations with my nature, rather than just adopt them from a book or example. There are a few lessons learned along the way that make it easier.

First of all, it helps to have a definition of spirituality -- or whatever word you choose -- that fits your style, something that you can say comfortably. I define spirituality as "meaningful living," and I view it as orthogonal to religiosity. It is connecting at a deep level with my own spirit or soul or Being or me-ness or I am; this transfers to connecting with the spirits of others. When you communicate about it, you will be more comfortable with the words that fit you, though I encourage you not to place too much into the words themselves. It is sort of like clothing. If you're from Texas you may be comfortable in a cowboy hat and boots, if you're from Luzon you may be comfortable in a barong, and if you're from Oahu you may be comfortable in a grass skirt. Try wearing these things out of your element, and you will both feel and look funny to others. Spirituality is the same way. So you see, the clothing is a metaphor, and actually the choice of words is an even subtler metaphor. It's not the choice of words, it is the comfort with them.

Another important thing to note is that spiritual or mindful living (whatever you want to call it) is a skill just like any other. When you're first starting out, you don't really know how to incorporate it into your life yet. You copy from books or other examples and it seems unnatural to others because it is unnatural to you. It is like learning to play the piano; nobody wants to hear your playing at first (except for your teachers, maybe) because you're still on the very basics, you still make mistakes, and you have not developed your own style, yet. Can you really expect that your Chopsticks-level spiritual practice is going to be super-inspiring? Bear with it until you know how to live this way. Its actually quite rewarding to work through this phase.

There are a number of other issues that you might bump up against. Here are a few of the common ones.

1. People you have known for a while may feel your change as a form of judgment. Even though you may have honestly made a complete change to non-judgment (hard, hard, hard), a spiritual practice often comes across as self-righteous and obnoxious. By changing your view of the world and refusing to interact in the same way as previously, this can be upsetting to people we love who see our changes as challenging their ways of life. This concept is explored in the New York Times opinion piece Being and Mindfulness.
2. If you're like many people, you may often err on the side of proselytizing. After learning something new and very useful, it is natural to want to share this with friends, family, and others who might think that you sound like an obnoxious lecturer. The lessons of Consoling Wisely need to be taken into account here, especially: "When you communicate your views, do so casually and in a nondogmatic manner. Allow the people you speak with to ask questions. Offer only as much information as they are ready to hear." From the Daily Om's Expanding Their Vision.
3. You may find difficulty relating to people with whom you previously spent a lot of time ranting and complaining. When you engage in the practices of positivity and non-judgment, complaint-based relationships are no longer as interesting to you. So it seems that you would no longer be able to relate to these friends. But perhaps, this is a challenge to learn to be compassionate along with them, acknowledge their suffering, and connect with them based on who they are rather than an mutual grudges. This is much easier said than done, I know. I often catch myself in the complaining side of things and can commiserate with others.

All in all, where it may feel that spiritual practices are isolating and solitary, even dehumanizing, they are really the contrary. By following a practice of compassion and loving-kindness, you begin to notice the interconnectedness of everything, even the amount of people that it takes to bring A Pistachio to your table. Matthieu Ricard addresses this eloquently in Happiness:

But how, you might ask, can I avoid being shattered when my child is sick and I know he's going to die? How can I not be torn up at the sight of thousands of civilian war victims being deported or mutilated? Am I supposed to stop feeling? What could ever make me accept something like that? Who wouldn't be affected by it, including the most serene of wise men? The difference between the sage and the ordinary person is that the former can feel unconditional love for those who suffer and do everything in his power to attenuate their pain without allowing his lucid vision of existence to be shaken. The essential thing is to be available to others without giving in to despair when the natural episodes of life and death follow their course.

This post is dedicated to my close friend and mindfulness companion Erica Knight. A lot of the concepts in this blog come from realizations made during conversations with her where she challanges my practices, holding me accountable to live the most meaningful life that I can live. She helps maintain humanity and grounding into spiritual practices, keeping me away from purely intellectual and theoretical understandings.

Stories Define Reality

"Never let the truth ruin a good story." - Mark Twain

Storytelling is one of our most deep set traditions for entertainment and information sharing. We are told that the best storytellers in villages are the most revered. They are respected for their experience and wisdom. Our brains are wired to consume information through stories. As Daniel Pink points out in A Whole New Mind, "Stories are easier to remember [than isolated factoids]--because in many ways, stories are how we remember. 'Narrative imagining--story--is the fundamental instrument of thought,' writes cognitive scientist mark Turner in his book The Literary Mind. 'Rational capacities depend on it. it is our chief means of looking into the future, of predicting, of planning, and of explaining... Most of our experience, our knowledge and our thinking is organized as stories."

Be careful with your stories, because just as Words are Powerful, they are especially so when shaped in stories. Philosophers and psychologists have long held that our realities are created internally in our minds. This also shows up a lot in popular arts, such as the wonderful movie Big Fish. The Matrix (movie) delves a lot into how the mind can be fed stories to shape our realities. Since reality is all about the stories that we tell ourselves, the stories that we tell ourselves become our truth.

Stories are shaping
We often tell ourselves stories and metaphors that shape how we behave. Did we tell the story that we were wronged? If so, we act wronged, we act like a victim, we think of the other person as cruel or evil. On the other hand, if we tell a story to ourselves casting the other person as confused and upset, as trapped, we can instead have sympathy for the person. In the movie Slumdog Millionaire, the main characters, as brothers, lose their parents as children and grow up in the slums, being beaten and tormented regularly. They survice by clawing and scratching their way to a meager existence, until they learn to steal for their bread. Once you know this back story, it is much easier to have compassion for them than if you simply saw they stealing your shoes.

Stories are limiting
When we wrap a story around something, it tricks us into believing that we understand what is going on. We give one or a few reasons to the back-story, whereas ultimately the situation is unknowable in its entirety. It is infinitely broad and deep, and only a part of it can be played out. I see this a lot like asking a "Do you want to do X?" question and looking for a yes-or-no response. Ultimately we have to make the yes or no choice, but the people witnessing the decision may think it means something very cut and dry, when there are actually a lot of factors at play -- see the Mind as a Committee metaphor.

Untelling our stories
Recently, I discussed the nature of stories with my close friend and fraternity brother Josiah Seale. He brought up the idea of "untelling our stories". Wow, what a powerful notion. One of the ways that we do this is by learning enough or understanding enough to replace the old stories with new stories. In counseling terms, this is the important step of resolving the past in the present. This is possible to do whether the parties of the stories are still alive and available or if they are not. It is also possible to just let the stories resolve and to not take them personally (one of the Four Agreements of don Miguel Ruiz). At the end of the day, what happened, happened. This sometimes makes us uncomfortable, which is a wonderful challenge for us as warriors of loving-kindness, learning how to Lean Into Discomfort.

This post is dedicated to my close college friend, Josiah Seale, who inspires in how he lives his life. He lives his unique life first, while at the same time having compassion for others.

MPOW #10 - Mantras 101: "Om mani padme hum"

It is a commonly held belief in some scientific, philosphical, religious, and spiritual domains that the universe began with a single word, a hum, vibrations throughout all of existence. From Sanskrit, the word "Om" elongated is the sound of the creation of the universe that has expanded throughout all of time and place. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1:1). Many powerful mantras begin with the word Om. Tenzin Gyatso, the fourteenth Dalai Lama gave a lecture on "Om mani padme hum" one of the most common mantras of Buddhism. Due to its power and rich history, this makes for a great introduction to mantras.

It is very soothing and beneficial to recite this mantra. In reciting it, you add your voice to the millions and millions of chanters who have come before you chanting this many trillions of times, and the millions and milliions who will come after.

The Practice - Reciting "Om mani padme hum"
From your meditative position, relax, clear your mind. When you are ready, recite the mantra "Om many padme hum." You can say it or sing it; you can do it within your head or aloud. Play with all of these and see what works best for you. Recite it over and over again in a relaxed timing. You may think of it as waves crashing on the shore, a planet revolving, a marquee scrolling. Lather, rinse, and repeat.

"It is very good to recite the mantra Om mani padme hum, but while you are doing it, you should be thinking on its meaning, for the meaning of the six syllables is great and vast." (Dalai Lama)

This is just an intro to mantras, and I won't be too prescriptive with this one. Just get in there and feel it out. Play with it. Have fun. Over future MPOWs, I will explore different ways to use this mantra, different mantras to use, and explore different mindsets that you can be in with mantras. For now, I recommend starting on the basics, just reciting the mantra over and over again, feel the repetition soothe over you, feel the meaning sink within.

My Experience with this Mantra
I first saw mantras on the TV show Curb Your Enthusiasm. I felt as awkward about the idea as Larry David does in just about every situation on the show. I wanted to try it, and I had wanted to try it for a while, but did not know where to start. A few years later, I finally put it into practice.

When I began, I thought that the mantra might be a crutch for not being able to free my mind directly. I wanted to learn the real way, the hard way. I found the sanskrit words goofily foreign. When I began with the mantra, I also felt this was the case, but that it was worth a shot. I sat in half-lotus (kind of painful in the hips) on my couch (which made it less painful). From that position, I started to practice saying the words internally. Ugh, it felt awkward. I was not sure that I was internally pronouncing them right. I was not sure if I should sing them or say them. I am not confident in my singing voice. I noticed all of these things. Overcoming them was an early and important step for me.

I then shifted to trying to say them aloud, even sing them aloud. I did it tentatively at first. What if someone in the adjacent units could hear me? How embarrassing that would be. I explored that for a while as I continued. As I heard my own voice, evenutally my timidity subsided. My voice became strong and rhythmic. I liked the sound of it. It was quite pleasing. I was pleased with myself for trying it and for doing it. This, I realized, was my ego. "I just witnessed my ego! That's how this is supposed to work!," my ego said to me. At that moment, my voice cracked. I realized the trap. The ego had me again. I was proud of my observing skillz, then I was embarrassed all over again. Ego, ego. I watched it fade out. Eventually, I began reciting in a soothing pattern, I continued and continued. I lost track of time. The thinking part of me thought about stopping, but the conscious presence in me just witnessed the thinker and didn't pay him any mind. I was just rolling with it, so comfortably, so naturally, I didn't want to stop. Sure, the words are profound, but they did not mean anything to me at the time. Just saying the words, the rhythm, the power of those 6 syllables, extended from somewhere free of their meaning. Both sound and meaning in the same words, both so important. How efficient! I just kept going and going... give me shades, pink floppy ears, and a big drum. Throughout the day, I would continue the chant while driving, while parking. It saturated me and soothed me.

I dedicate this post to Jo Ann Ong, who has introduced me to many important things in my life, including meditation, Buddhism, and the Dalai Lama.

Request for Comments, please share your experiences

Buddhist Personality Type

Take the what Buddhist personality type are you quiz from Tricycle: The Buddhist Review magazine. It is a fun way of looking at yourself that also provides a valuable perspective for mindfulness. The types/temperaments system is from the 1600+ years old Visuddhimagga, a work based on teachings from the Pali Canon. The article, Which Buddhist Personality Type Are You? summarizes:

The Visuddhimagga offers descriptions of six personality temperaments: three unwholesome types and three wholesome types. The text suggests that the unwholesome and wholesome types “parallel” each other. The modern-day application of the personality-type system focuses primarily on the three unwholesome types and pairs them with their positive attributes. The three types of Buddhist personalities, paired with their positive tendencies, are Greed/Faith, Aversive/Discerning Wisdom, and Deluded/Speculative. The Greed/Faith personality type is characterized by craving and optimism, the Aversive/Discerning type by criticism and clarity, and the Deluded/Speculative type by doubt and equanimity. Each type has its neurotic tendencies and its awakened tendencies, and the spiritual task is to learn how to strengthen the awakened aspects.

Rather than be a judgmental notion to defeat, each temperament pair is neutral, with equal parts obstacle and virtue. By thinking of each type as a likely temperament to exhibit, it helps us understand both our most likely challenge to overcome and the corresponding virtue. The upshot is that when we better understand our obstacles in this world, we have a clearer understanding of the path that we are on so that we can navigate it wisely. "Each type has a spiritual task to accomplish."

Take the quiz

I took it, and my types are:

• Primary: Greed/Faith
• Secondary: Aversive/Discerning Wisdom

This seems right on for me, and the article goes on to provide some mindfulness tips:

The spiritual task of the greedy type is to transform the desire for sense objects into a desire to know the Three Jewels: Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. Greedy types need to balance their optimism with an awareness of suffering. Practices that can help the greedy type include: contemplation of old age, sickness, death, and impermanence, meditation on the 32 parts of the body; generosity; renunciation; noticing the ending of experiences; putting oneself in uncomfortable, unpleasant situations (in order to become disenchanted with sense pleasures); slowing down; and taking the Three Refuges.

Curiously, if you know me well personally or follow along on my blog, you will see that these are the exact steps that I am taking. For instance, I having written about the meditation on the 32 aprts of the body in Libido Is In, Lust Is Out. I intentionally Lean Into Discomfort, which was shown in my exploration of Zen Master K. I discuss the benefits of a forced renunciation in Another Lens for the Flying Dutchman and Silver Lining on the Dark Cloud of the Recession (these make sense given the Faith part).

It is encouraging to see that I'm exploring the right path, though of course this is a difficult path for me which requires a lot of concentration to keep from straying. I believe that the current step for me is to explore Sangha (good deeds in and for the community) a lot more. Soon it may be time to take the vow of the Three Refuges. To me, the fact that I have been benefitting from these activities validates the benefits of this article. I encourage you to take the quiz and explore your spiritual task in fellowship with me and other readers.

There has been a terrific side benefit in my sharing. Taking this quiz has brought me a lot closer to an important person in my life. An ex-girlfriend and I are now able to understand each others' challenges quite a lot better. She has Deluded/Speculative primary and Aversive/Discerning Wisdom secondary, making it difficult for her to understand by Greed/Faith, and vice versa for me. We often had misunderstandings due to both having quite different challenges in our lives. This article and quiz gives us perspective to understand each others' challenges. Our renewed and strengthened friendship is a blessing.

I highly recommend this quiz to understand yourself better, to help others understand you better, and to provide guidance on how to handle suffering in your life.

I dedicate this to my sister Laura, who like me, loves such personality tests. I suspect she also has the same primary and secondary temperaments as me. It would be beneficial for me to have her help on these.

Request for comments
What results did you get on the quiz?

A Place Where Spirituality and Religion Meet

In response to my recent Start Whole post, Roy made the following comment that I'm excited to address.

I'm really struck by how these are polar opposite to mainstream Christian beliefs--the statements that: a.) sin is not necessarily an act of evil; and b.) we are fundamentally whole.

Christian belief of course, starts with the assumption that all people are broken and thus require a savior.

On the seven deadly sins, I think when the early Christian scholars enumerated them, they already considered these sins as sins in their modern meaning, i.e., acts of evil. Thomas Aquinas, I believe, called them the capital vices; he considered them not very gravely sinful, except that they lead to many other sins.

I find this really fun to discuss. I have been raised Christian by a Syrian Orthodox father and a Roman Catholic mother, both wonderful and loving morality teachers. I was baptized Syrian Orthodox, then I went to Sunday school (CCD) in a Roman Catholic church where I received my First Holy Communion, attended mass regularly, memorized my prayers - and even tried to say them with feeling instead of rote recitations droning on and on, enjoyed confession (will write about confession later), and undertook Confirmation in the church. I have been blessed that family members considered me a decent enough spiritual role model to be a Godfather thrice over. As a child, I held strong, self-motivated beliefs in the church and when my parents could not make it, I rode my bike there by myself on Sundays. When I could drive, I even explored other churches in the area. A friend and I were founders of a Catholic youth group, where we spoke about the practical role of religion in teenagers' lives.

I see almost all religions as having the same moral ideals, just different details and rituals. As a teenager my take was that "Most religions [yes, there's a caveat to exclude things like devil worship and cults] have the same moral principles. They are likely by the same God who is intelligent enough to present himself to different peoples at different times and in the ways that are most effective to them. The people inevitably added some politics to the message, but the same core message of loving thy neighbor holds true across Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Shintoism, Jainism, Sikhism, Native American traditions, and so on." I read the dictionary (I read the dictionary often) for terms to describe different belief systems and found some resonance with the terms pantheism and deism. In grade school, I proposed a school project exploring the similarities amongst the world's religions and ethical systems. I planned a 'round-the-world tour of major religious sites (I've still never taken it). When I write in my blog about my spiritual journey, I write it with love and respect for all religions and the lessons that they teach. I also view these with what I find to be a healthy degree of pragmatism, as I realize the humanity that has shaped them throughout the ages.

Lately I write a lot about Buddhism and other spiritual practices, because they are new to me and I keep finding a lot of wisdom in their lessons. Here, I aim to write an open account of my spirituality and how it is compatible with Christianity, despite the apparent contradiction between my beliefs and Christian beliefs. Discussions on religion are always so sensitive... I hope to not offend anyone, please read with an open mind and understanding of my love for all morality-based religions and philosophies. Here goes...

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I totally agree that some mainstream interpretations of Christian beliefs are antithesis to the comments that I make in the post. Though, I find that my perspective still aligns with the core teachings of Jesus. It is necessary to look at the teachings of our religions and see what is truly helpful & essential and what is centuries worth of accumulated detritus.

Nowhere in the Gospels have I found Jesus perpetuating the conflict of Good vs. Evil. Jesus talks about what will get us into Heaven and bring us closer to God. Jesus also talks about a Heaven on Earth and how we can get there when we are away from sin.

I interpret this as Heaven being the mark, and our sins as keeping us away from the mark. In this sense, sins are just misguided living. This feels true to me. Heaven is available to us on Earth all the time. If one follows the Beatitudes taught by Jesus, one will find Heaven on Earth. "The Ten Commandments, given to Moses on Mount Sinai in the Old Testament Book of Exodus, relates a series of 'Thou shalt nots,' evils one must avoid in daily life on earth. / In contrast, the message of Jesus was one of humility, charity, and brotherly love. He taught transformation of the inner person. Jesus presents the Beatitudes in a positive sense, virtues in life which will ultimately lead to reward." [http://www.jesuschristsavior.net/Beatitudes.html] This view is also consistent with what I have read of St. Thomas Aquinas.

When I read the bible, I cannot help but see Jesus as an awakened individual, an individual filled with God and an understanding of a clear path to Heaven. I believe that the original Christian teachings have been distorted throughout the years by a combination of incorrect translations and people who did not fully "get it". I see Heaven as a state of Being, not a place. And the Heavenly state of Being comes through Salvation.

I see parallels between spiritual philosophies. As example, here are some mappings that I see between Buddhism and Christianity: Nirvana as equivalent to Heaven and Enlightenment and Awakening as equivalent to Salvation. Look closely at Buddha's teachings on the cessation of suffering and compare them to the Beatitudes of Jesus. Uncanny. All wise spiritual paths teach us the same lessons, but they are often shrouded in clumsy rituals and misguided dogma. We need to learn how to chip the debris off of the jewels. If you're interested in exploring a little further, Eckhart Tolle writes about specific passages and how they are consistent with this interpretation. I am still Puzzling Over Tolle, though find his writings to be quite meaingful and heartfelt. I really recommend A New Earth to learn even more.

I'll give another comparison based on Original Sin, which Roy alluded to in his comment. The Christian Church teaches that with Original Sin, we start unwhole, and this can only be washed away by Baptism. The gift of Baptism is a way of removing feelings of guilt, showing that something as simple and clean as water can absolve us of sins. If we look a little bit at what actually happens, there's a room for a luss judgemental interpretation that I find more wholesome and wise. Jesus allows John the Baptist to baptize him in order to show us that anyone can absolve us of guilt. That sin is not such a deep mark that it cannot be absolved. Just plain ol' water can do it in anyone's hands. We can even do it for ourselves once we recognize that water is a placebo. It is the intention that is important, and a ritual such as Baptism is a means to seal that intention. With this, we also reconigze that we were whole all along, we just believed that we were unwhole. The ritual also helps us shed those beliefs for ourselves (rather than doing it for us). One just has to set aside sin, and by doing so, can enter Heaven.

One theory that I have is that Christian Church in Europe became a power play for the intelligent peasants to make their way out of the serf class and for the younger sons of nobles, who would not inherit title and property, to stay elite. In order words, it was more about power and politics than piety and compassion. This thirst for power is not compatible with the awakened teachings. So the heart of the religion was eventually plastered over sloppily with interpretations from less awakened people. This pattern can be seen across the world's religions.

At the root Jesus is still the Son of God and Man, and his teachings are wise and pure. There's a part of my being that knows this to be true. That same part of my beings knows the cores of other religions to also be true. There are definitely more similarities than differences, and they are the same cores, only interpretations differ--understandably so.

I dedicate this post to my co-worker Roy who engages me with deep thoughts, a curious mind, and a generous heart.

Request for respectful comments.

MPOW #9 - Fhqwhgads

Last week, in the middle of the day, I felt very busy and scattered. I needed to be present again, just release my mind. I took a moment to chat to a friend, who was also feeling stressed. The conversation wasn't longer than a few minutes, but it was just what I needed. I meditated, then just punched out some jibberish on the keyboard. jdbadkjbvd;knv;ajs kfjhsgk;ahsvkjbd;kabdjsv; Wow, it felt so freeing to let go, to just air things out. Completely shut off the inhibitions on the keyboard for just a moment. What a recharge. My friend did it right back. We felt so much better.

You can use it, too. This week, in the middle of your workday, take a moment to talk some jibberish. Bang on some keys. If you keep yourself very well-defined and rigid at work, let a little meaningless play in. You may find it has some meaning for you after all. Have your very own, take-your-inner-child-to-work-day.

The Practice - Release Some Jibberish
Get to a place in your life where you are often very stressed or always neat and structured. Sit there, close your eyes and see if you can release your worries. If you can shut your door and not be heard (or if you don't care about being overheard), just speak some jibberish for a while. Then type out some nonsense on your keyboard. When you are done, you've now added some play to your busy space, charging it with a little playfulness.

Need some inspiration? Check out the sbemail "i love you".