MPOW #24 - Witnessing Self-Judgment

“Our opinions of ourselves actually get in the way of being ourselves.” -Jon Kabat-Zinn, 2007

My friend and fellow salsa and tango dancer recently shared this. It's such a simple and powerful notion to reflect on. For fun, I'll look at it in the context of a dance class. A dance class can often function as a individual or couples therapy, and like any really effective therapy session often involves a meditative state.

Early in a dance class series, you may already be judging yourself: "I'm too fat." "I'm too weak." "I'm not attractive enough to be here." "I'm wearing the wrong clothes and look sloppy." "I'm the best looking person here." "I'm already a better dancer than these other people; I shouldn't be here." "I'm really good at this already."

Dancing is just an idea here, and you may feel this in any class or any gathering. You quickly catch yourself judging yourself or others. Over time, you may begin to be down on yourself for where you are or over-inflate your internal image and miss opportunities. Remember that Stories Define Reality, so tread cautiously where you enter story-ground.

Sometimes, in a dance class though, if you're eager and comfortable being there, you're often in a wide-open state of learning, receptive to teaching and improvements without judging yourself. This is often referred to as "beginner's mind" or shoshin in the Zen tradition. This is an important state to cultivate at all times, no matter your skill level: "In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few."

The less that you know about yourself, the less that you box yourself in to a particular definition. Our authentic selves are all limitless and expansive, the more that we form opinions or place definitions on ourselves, the tighter the box that we have created. We begin to limit our infinite nature to something that we can understand or explain. Even if we are being positive, this actually does us a disservice by both making us narrow and also less likely to learn.

The Mindfulness Practice of the Week - Witnessing Self-Judgment
For this week, take some time to explore how you define yourself. You can do this while doing something of any skill level. Likely, it is easier to notice when we beat ourselves up. So, throughout the week, take some time to do something which which you're uncomfortable, such as stripping down in front of a full length mirror, and deeply examine yourself. Are you judging? Are you noticing flaws? See if you can recognize the judgments that you can make about yourself, and let them go. What do you notice as you do this? What are the concepts that you repeat.

Be gentle with yourself as you notice these things. In From Self-Judgment to Being Ourselves Dianna Winston reminds us how normal it is to engage in this comparison:

The Buddha had a word for comparison, the word màna, which means pride or ego or thinking too much about ourselves. A lot of our judgments say “I’m greater than, I’m lesser than, or I’m equal to this or that,” and this is just màna— pride or ego coming up in the mind. The thing that I find so interesting about màna is that 2500 years ago, when the Buddha was alive, people were judging themselves just as much as we do now. They were judging others, and comparing everything. When I remember this I think, “Oh, actually ‘comparing mind’ is normal. Everybody does it.”

See if you can let them evaporate and just be Comfortable with What Is.

This post is dedicated to my friend and dancing psychologist Solomon Kurz.

MPOW #15 - Authentic Self

"The luxury I advocate has nothing to do with money. It cannot be bought. It is the reward of those who have no fear of discomfort." - Jean Cocteau

"To thine own self be true." - Shakespeare Hamlet

The very best, most pure, more authentic version of yourself is inside you at all times, ready to guide you. Whenever you need a bit of guidance, you can turn to authentic self for actions to take. Your authentic self will help you be bold and decisive. He or she will help you be true and noble. Best of all, this is you. You can manifest your most authentic self at any time.

There are times when we all feel "outside". When we know we are not our bravest, most fearless selves--the selves that we are accustomed to being--we may see the world in a haze. I'm optimistic that there's a way through this. We can cut through our lethargy and get to positive action. "Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action." (Benjamin Disraeli)

I have found a wonderful journey that helped me meet my authentic self. Now that I have met Authentic Ed, I can bring my intention inward and channel him. Every now and then, I renew my relationship with him. For this Mindfulness Practice of the Week (MPOW), I hope that you can also meet this most precious of Our Guides and Guards for yourself

Meeting Authentic You
The first time, start by preparing an environment for the journey. It's a simple preparation. Put on some relaxing instrumental music. Pour a glass of water. Establish a comfortable place to sit. Free yourself of distractions: phone off, alarms off, no beeping computers, cat shut somewhere quiet. It is nice to choose an environment and music that is easy to recall or return to, because it can be used as a quick portal later.

Sit in your comfortable place, have a drink of the water, and hold your spine erect by imagining a string is pulling you up from the top of your head. Perform a quick body inventory, letting your muscles relax in your face, your shoulders, your chest, your lower back, your hips (you likely know or soon will know your personal culprits - if you have not tried it, I recommend that you Connect With Your Body's Wisdom (MPOW #8)), then back to your face and shoulders again. Sink into the music and allow yourself to explore it subtly.

Then let your journey begin. Imagine that rich, thick rays of sunlight are pouring down on my head and shoulders, a waterfall of pure light. It is so rich and warm and nourishing. It is viscous and clean. It purifies you as it massages your crown and shoulders and pours down over your body. You are sitting on a rock in a lagoon under this waterfall of light. The warm light of the sun showers down around you and into the lagoon.

Ahead of you, notice that someone is approaching. It is you, as your most authentic self. Introduce yourself. Get to know this most authentic version of you. He or she is desperately interested in knowing who you are and helping you in the most effective way possible. Your most authentic self loves you.

You have now established a connection that you can come back to at any time. Your most authentic self is always available to help you, to guide you on what you're going through.

Getting Back in Touch with the Authentic Self
You can always embark on the full journey again at any time to establish a deep connection. Though, now, I find it possible to sit anywhere, whether on the bus, in conference room during a meeting, in the cafeteria, or on an airplane, close my eyes, and bring myself to this place. I imagine the waterfall of light or use the music as an anchor. When my most authentic self approaches me, I know that I can Start Whole with his guidance.

I dedicate this post to Mariana Oskey's most authentic, fearless, super-creative, 360-degree self!